I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
