You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
