i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
