I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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