just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
