it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
