yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
