he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
my liver is dry heaving
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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