Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
