Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
