Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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