Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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