i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
