the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
he laminated a picture of his dick.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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