I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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