I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
