My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
