Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
