Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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