What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
