No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize