..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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