Who did Billy Mays play for?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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