You're earring is so big in my mouth
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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