conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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