Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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