I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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