Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
