By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just found a bag of teeth...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
