Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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