I accidentally had phone sex last night
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
