Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
