Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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