my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
