seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We are all done wearing pants today
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
