OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
