Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
two words...techno handjob
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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