I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize