Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My vagina is very pro this idea
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
