If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
