Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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