are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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