At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
