He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
