She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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