I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
