i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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