If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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