the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
