New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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