Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Randomize
