dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So vagazzling was a success
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