some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
