Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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