Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
