..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
