I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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