Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I can feel your judgement through the phone
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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