She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
