First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Randomize
