I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
