Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
