I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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