i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
