What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
