kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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