Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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