i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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