Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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