i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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